To Be Kind To Others Is A Tribute to Our Self Elita Sohmer Clayman

To Be Kind To Others Is A Tribute To Our Own Image

We made a ‘comeback’ after not dancing for over two years due to an auto accident we were unlucky enough to have encountered. Now we came back on the 27th only to be deterred again, because I fell going down a curb in front of the hair salon where I went to get beautiful again.

I stepped down and missed my step and fell to the ground and this over a holiday weekend. It is not good to be injured or sick over holiday weekends. Luckily that afternoon, my doctor was still there in the office and saw me and determined I had lots of bruises and they would heal. The following Tuesday after the holiday, I was given sixteen x-rays over various parts of the body. The only thing that turned up was a large bruise on my tussy and an injured right knee with internal or anterior as was called on the report.

Now, I am almost ninety-nine percent healed and off we are to the dance studio to do what we seniors do the best. We dance, we socialize, we have fun and the bonus part is, it is good for our health, mentally and physically. A doctor from Johns Hopkins just wrote an article in a medical journal that ballroom dancing helps people not get dementia. The reason being because when we ballroom dance, we use our mind along with our feet and arms to go about doing our dance steps, movements of arms and body etc. What a fabulous conclusion in the medical world of the qualities of ballroom dancing with the mind.

Rosamarie Simpson from Howard County wrote me that she and her husband dance every week on a Saturday night, even on the nights they do not feel like going. They push themselves, dress up and get in the car. Once, she said they are at the studio, everything melts away that has gone wrong that week either at home, with the relatives, with the children and at work. They are in their oasis of good music, great times, light snacks and movement of their bodies.

When they come home, they are delirious with the knowledge that they have accomplished something that is beneficial for their minds and souls along with their sore feet. Many write me the same things as Rosamarie says in her email note. It is as if we are in a different world when we dance. We rarely know the people well that we associate with at the dance, yet they are our special dancing friends.

When my son was Bar Mitzvah over thirty-three years ago, we had a lovely dinner and dance in his honor. We specifically learned to dance right before the event because I wanted to be able to get up and have fun at this occasion. Dance we did and have been doing that at many events including my daughter-in-law’s two brother’s weddings along with my son and her wedding almost twelve years ago. Now her younger sister married five months ago. I always told her since I have known her which is for twelve years, when my son married her sister, that I ‘would dance at her wedding.’  That we did and it was a very nice feeling to be on the dance floor once again. I kept my promise to her and mainly to myself.

Rafe and Cyndi are a young couple from Hunt Valley and they tell me that after the kids are put to sleep and they may be tired from work and home duties, they take time every night for thirty minutes to practice what they learned the previous week in their dance class of ten people. That is why they are doing excellent dancing because they practice the steps immediately. My husband and I use to do that thirty-three years ago when we came home from a dance lesson on a Tuesday night at the studio. In those days a private lesson cost less than twenty dollars and if you bought ten at a time, they were 18.75 each which was still a lot of money for a young couple. We would not go out to eat as often to a restaurant, because we wanted to encourage our minds, feet and heart to dance. We would take the children out to a family style restaurant because they loved the hot dogs, hamburgers and fries but instead of going out ourselves, we put the money towards a weekly dance lesson. Everyone has their priority on how to spend money for leisure. Some women spend it on two hundred dollars blouses or skirts, some spend it on expensive jewelry, others save it for a rainy day. Now days, most people have to watch their money to make ends meet. If someone wants a lesson, they can take a group lesson which costs about 10-15 dollars and they can do well learning with other people in the class and it is a more economical way to learn and to save money by not taking a private lesson. This is fine and many couples love being with other folks in the class; usually at least 12-15 people. You make friends and get to dance with others rather than always with your spouse or friend.

This was our happiness, our purpose for a social life, our guide to learning in our forties and when Mom came to babysit on Saturday nights, we went dancing. In those days everyone smoked and the place was quite smoky and the owner herself reeked from cigarette smoke. Eventually, she was forced to put the smokers in a separate room, because the dancers rebelled at sitting next to people that blew smoke in their face as they were trying to dance or socialize.

There was one lady named Mamie who finally was told off by me. I said “Mamie, we did not come here to smell your smoke, and we came to dance.” She looked at me like I was crazy and this long before smoking was banned in restaurants, offices and halls. She would huff and puff (literally) from the smoking and eventually passed on due to lung problems.

The dance studio is your haven away from home and should be a happy, clean and fresh air type place with no smokers destroying the air and making it hard for the dancers to breathe and dance peacefully. No one is allowed to smoke in dance studios now and that is a very healthy environment to dance and have fun.

Shakespeare said in Sonnet 144 (this interpreted version, not the exact words):

“I love two people. One comforts me and the other makes me despair, like two spirits, both constantly point me in two different directions.” We can say that about our dancing activities. One aspect of dancing comforts me and hugs my heart into feeling peaceful. This is usually the teacher because most teachers try to instill in the student, especially the newer ones to learn as they can and not to be afraid of learning fresh things. The other can be a more seasoned dancer who makes me not despairing, but uncomfortable, meaning they sometimes say or do difficult things and that makes me anguished even though I hardly know them. I love the other more. So we gravitate to the love of what we call dancing and what it does for our spirit and move away from someone who tries to put us down and makes us sad. The judges on Dancing With The Stars say some obnoxious comments to the star dancers and because the public’s votes count equally with the judges, the stars smile and take it all in and hope that next week; the judge may compliment him or her. In real life at a competition, the judges do not talk to the performers. They write a paper stating where the person came in on the winning lineup and do not make nasty observations. You know from the final results, if they liked your dancing but not what they found wrong. Sometimes, they will give you the paper and the judges may make a comment or note on something they think you could correct for the next competition. That is fine and is a learning experience to help you to excel more. It is not nasty or mean. You can get the paper a few days later or go online to see your standings. The remarks will not be online. It is private. That is the way it should be.

There are many people out there, even some in our family who thrive on trying to put us down and say disparaging things to us even though they act like they are saying it for our own good.

What they are really doing is trying to lift themselves up at our expense and make us feel not too happy at the moment whereas we, who are avid dancers can always find it in our heart to encourage and inspire new people into dancing and we compliment them and assure them that they are doing well and make them smile. When we give a simple pleasurable remark, we show that we are kind, caring, and compassionate and to encourage someone who is unsure of themselves is to compliment our self, that we are dear souls, who know how to enlighten others with our knowledge and decency.

I had an aunt like that. Her daughter was a year younger than me, and she came over one night and said “it is time you got married, Elizabeth is getting married.” I replied “I will get married when it is time and I meet the right one. Your daughter getting married has nothing to do with my life or my marriage.” Good for me, I spoke up when it needed to be done.

Some people are like they are two people. One person is the pleasant person who comes off as being so decent and the other side of them is the repugnant individual who says what they think without decency and they believe it is proper to be that way. There is no need to be that way. Let them be two people, one who is kind, decent and approving and if necessary, the other one who is also the same who never hurts your feelings or says a nasty thought and who is happy if you attain something wonderful, even if they have not done that yet.

Dancing is like two people. One the inspiring soul and one who is inspired. May we always be galvanized and also encourage others to reach the peak of their ability, to motivate and to give rise to build their life to higher levels. Then, we will be two people, both of us reaching for the stars and being shining examples of goodness on this earth right now. We should all be two people of worth, of use, of endearment, of contentment, of being helpful and pleasant to everyone. By being like two persons, we have molded our self into a combination of the best of what we have to offer. We need not be like my Aunt Adele who could never see an inch past herself. She even came over to visit relatives and before the owner knew it, Aunt Adele was busy rearranging their furniture to different spots on the floor. She moved tables, ornaments and even once moved a sofa from one side of the room to the other side before the occupant came back from the kitchen bringing refreshments. The owner who was another aunt declared to Adele, never to do this again or never to come and visit again. She was angry because Adele had no right to take it on herself the changing around of a person’s home. Funny thing, Aunt Adele was very fast in moving someone’s furniture around. She was so swift; she was finished before the owner returned from another room. However, in her own home, she was not the consummate interior decorator. She could have used another person like herself, to change things around in her own home.

Let us all be the best we can be to our own image and brain and just as first rate to others. Emily Dickinson wrote “This gave me that precarious gait, some call experience.” Experience is what we gain when we see beyond our self, and then our self becomes the great accomplished person, who knows how to attain consequential results at home, at work, at social events and in our mind and psyche.

Hopefully, we become two fine people in one personality and that personality is quite cool as the kids say. To be kind to others is a tribute to our self.