Cautious Bliss Elita Sohmer Clayman

The word cautious means wary, careful and guarded. When we are cautious, we watch something with a high degree of being wary that it could go wrong. If we were buying a home and it was not a new one, we would certainly get a home inspector to check it over for faults that may need to be fixed at an added expense. If we are having a medical problem and a doctor suggests a procedure or an operation, we usually should get a second opinion. When we meet someone and think he or she may be the one for us to spend our life with; then we try to think it out before committing ourselves to a life we may not be sure about.

I heard this phrase on the television yesterday. Someone in a story I was watching said: “this is cautious bliss.” At first I could not understand what they were saying. I replayed it back and that is what the lady said. Then, I thought it out as to what it meant. I figured I should interpret its meaning that it was a happy time (the bliss word) but that they had to be careful, guarded and wary of such happiness.

Many times in our lives, an event may occur or is about to occur and we think it will be bliss, but we want to not overestimate the bliss part. A woman I know had been unmarried for all of her years and that was thirty-nine years of being single. She had gotten use to doing what she wanted, going where she desired and spending the money she earned all on herself. She felt independent, kind of she thought happy and not too lonely. Then one day she went online to one of these computerized dating services and posted her picture and a small amount of words describing her. She paid her money and waited to see any responses to her picture and short biography. She waited and waited and finally she got a response via the internet. A fellow named Barry saw her photo online and really thought she was beautiful and they met and courted and they married about ten months later. At the wedding officiated by a clergy woman, she asked them to each say something about their meeting. He, the groom said that when he got in touch with her, he felt she would not want to meet him because he thought her too beautiful for him. He was demeaning himself in these thoughts and she said when she saw his photo, she feared he would not like her because she was thirty-nine. She felt he might take her out once and then want a younger woman.

Each perceived the feelings of the other person and yet somehow they did go out on that cautious first date which led to a form of cautious bliss. They found out that they had lots in common. He loved her two dogs, she loved that he was involved in a sports job and they both lived only about three miles from each other in Cockeysville and had never once met in a store, in a mall, in a restaurant or at their jobs.

It was meant to be (beshert) and they have been married now for five years and just had their first child, a baby girl and named her Hope. Hope is what they received from the computerized dating service and hope is what they have in their lives now.

When I was eight years old, my brother who was five years older than me became Bar Mitzvah. That is when the child becomes an adult and in the case of a male, a man. He studies for several years part time to learn a portion of the Torah and then recites it on a Saturday close to his thirteenth birthday before the congregation in the synagogue, family and friends. After the services, there is a great party celebrating this occasion with lots of food,dancing, more food and happy hours. Everyone dresses up and is happy to be there to commemorate the moments of this special day. Some people have big affairs in a large hall, others do it at home after the religious services and others sometimes do it in a theme type place. I know of one that the party was held down at the ballpark, of course when the team was not playing there. It was held in an eating area hall there with the young man having baseball as his theme of the night for the party.

My brother’s was at our modest home back in March of 1942. Mom cooked, baked, cooked and baked even more for many days before the home party. Mom and Dad were lucky because the next week, the Saturday which was another boy’s ceremony, there was a deep snow storm and no one could get out of their houses to attend because the snow was about twenty inches or so. The parents and grandparents were able to walk to the synagogue and he had his ceremony before the Rabbi and his family and no one else got there. The food was catered by a nice caterer, not homemade like my brother’s and since no one came to eat it at the adjoining social hall; it was all refrigerated and the next day it was donated to a Children’s Hospital nearby. The ill youngsters had a marvelous lunch, dinner and many sweet snacks and the Bar Mitzvah boy felt sad that his special day was ruined by the weather.

The boy’s family had not thought it was going to be an event canceled by terrible weather and they did not even think about it being a cautious bliss happening. You see, you as the parents choose the date of this ceremony which should be close to the birthday of the young man. Mom and Dad made their decision and you do this about two years in advance because the boy has to learn the portion of the Torah corresponding to his date of this event.

I remember Mom saying a few weeks before my brother’s time was arriving, that she hoped we would have good weather and no snow. In those days, there was no television weather reports, no television at all and just some brief notice in the paper of that day’s prediction for the weather. There was not much on the radio about weather either. Choosing the date two years in advance is quite a hard decision and so you have in your mind as the parent a bit of cautious bliss invading your thoughts.

Now when girls pick out a wedding date, they choose it by the month and may think they do not want a hot summer day if they want it outside. If it is inside, they may worry that perhaps the hall will have a problem and what could they do if the air conditioning gave out. I knew someone whose daughter was getting married last year and we had constant rain for about two weeks. The wedding was supposed to be mostly outside and two days before the scheduled day, they were informed that the ground where it was to be an outside wedding was too full of rain soaking and they had to find another location in less than two days from the wedding date. They scrambled and found one, notified the guests of the change of venue and everything went off in a fine manner. Their bliss was being tempted by caution and no one ever thought when they planned this affair about nine months before; that rain would soak the ground so intensely, that things had to be changed. There were many tense hours when this change had to happen and many tears from the bride and her mom, but it all worked out and the bliss was no longer in the cautious mode.

Many things in life have to be thought about with caution and then we can attain the bliss we need and want for great happenings. Bliss is contentment and happiness and caution is needed sometimes. May any bliss coming your way be measured only with the amounts of bliss you want and hopefully we can throw caution to the wind.

Emily Dickinson wrote
“Bliss is sold just once

The patent lost”

Let us all have this bliss we desire and have it many times and even if we need to have a bit of caution before the bliss will happen; let us know it many, many times and hope it comes to us and stays forever. We do not want the patent lost because bliss is needed in our lives and the rapture, joy and contentment we perceive we will receive this day is deserved by everyone involved in this most special day. Bliss is surely bliss.