A Special Heart And Always Carry It With You Elita Sohmer Clayman

“I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.” This poem was written by E.E. Cummings also known as e.e. cummings. It was recited at the Catholic-Jewish wedding of Drew Barrymore and her husband Will Kopelman recently.

If you read it slowly, it has great meaning for all of us in whatever love we have. It can be the love of our spouse, our children, our parents and even our friends. When we think about hearts, we think of having a good heart health wise. We think of Valentine’s Day in February. We think of it as people we know who are very kind and we say they have a good heart.  In a eulogy given recently by a son of a woman who died, his mom, he said “she had such a good heart and gave and did for everyone, that it just must have worn out.” That is an interesting analogy from a devoted son to his deceased mom’s memory. I think it an excellent summary of her good life and her wonderful attributes.

We should all try to be nice, respectful, kind and caring. Some show it more than others; others do it quietly and without fanfare. When you hear of robberies, killings, maiming, road rage, you wonder where is their heart? What has happened to make them the way they have become? You wonder that when they were little babies and lying in their cribs and were so innocent and pure and sweet; what changed them into the terrible persons they became.

I knew of a woman who had three children and the father left them. She could not on her meager wages of being what was called a maid in those days, care for the three kids. She had a brother-in-law and a sister-in-law (her husband’s sister and her husband) and they yearned for children and could not have any at that time. So she gave the two older kids to them and they raised them as their own; but they knew from an early age when they could comprehend thoughts, that she was their mom and they lived with the devoted aunt and uncle. They had a good life because the aunt and uncle were professional people, her school teacher and him a minister. They lived in a nice house, had lots of material things and they were both sent to college. The older son became an airline pilot with a well-known airline and the daughter became a school teacher. The third child was kept by the maid and she raised him as gently and as well as she could afford. He went in the Army after graduating high school and did very well there, met a lady; they married and had two boys.

Meanwhile, she saw the two of them now and then and when she retired from working, the older son who was a pilot approached her and asked her this haunting question he must have had all his life. He asked her why she ‘gave’ him and his sister to the aunt and she told him, she knew they would have a better life than being in a poor income family, since his dad had left her and gave no support. He said OK and now he wanted to give her something she never had. He was going to have a single family home built in their hometown in South Carolina where she originally came from; he would pay for the building and for the monthly mortgage, he would pay half for the rest of her life and she could pay the rest or whatever she could afford for the balance. This gave her some dignity by helping with the payments and it helped him out financially too.

Here was a devoted young man to a mom who had to give him to another person, but his heart still loved her and wanted to help her in her senior years. I saw pictures of this lovely all brick ranch home and she furnished it with her furnishings from her place here in Baltimore. His wife was satisfied he was doing this for a mom who had not taken care of him since he was about two years old. I told her that she was a woman, one in a million, who had a son do that for her, even though she could not raise him and thought what she did was right. It was right and the aunt was a bit envious when she heard the pilot was doing this for his ‘real’ mom, even though she knew in her heart, that he and his sister loved her as their mom too for all the years she gave them a fine home and a heart full of love from her and her husband.

I could understand her feeling a bit down when she thought that she had raised them and did not want anything from him in regards to a house being built. She and her husband had their nice house on the water in Annapolis and she became a real mom to him and his sister. Somehow, he still felt this love feeling in his gracious heart and wanted to protect her in her senior old age by giving her the opportunity to have a home of her own and that was a first for her. She and the younger son lived in downtown Baltimore in public housing and the area was not in the finest neighborhood at that time. She still raised the boy in an honest environment and gave him what she could earn from her light income.

All three of them turned out quite fine and what she did for the older two was a sacrifice for her but in her heart; she knew she was accomplishing the solution to the lack of money. The aunt and uncle became parents to these two kids who were really their nephew and their niece. However, they were Mom and Dad to them and the aunt and uncle carried the two children in their hearts and gave them a wonderful upbringing.

The aunt was envious for perhaps a few days; but she was educated enough to realize that the love the two older kids had for her and her husband was genuine, proper, dear and devoted love. She had given to the older two, these ideals by raising them as her own children and loving them with a full heart.

When the pilot decided to help his aging mom, it did not diminish the love he had for his other mom and dad. He knew there was enough caring, love and admiration in his heart to share a bit for his biological mom; who had the courage to do what was best for the older children’s welfare. He was brought up with high aspirations and he and his sister achieved them. The aunt and uncle were to be admired for making a family of the four of them.

In her own way,  the aunt was the real mom and she knew that and so after a few days of a bit of envy, she realized that she was the actual winner, because now she had grandchildren too from the two older children she had raised. Interestingly, the pilot and his wife could not have any children; they in turn adopted a boy and then a girl and were achieving a family of four just as he had been nurtured in those many years ago. His sister, the school teacher was unmarried and was suffering from MS, but she was able to adopt too, a foster child she had been raising and the final adoption was a pleasant time for the real mom, the ‘also real mom and dad’ (aunt and uncle) and so all three of them enjoyed being grandparents to the three adopted children.

So all of them carried in their heart as E.E.Cummings said “never to be without the love that was there”. They all shared their special hearts and carried their love for each other and were never without it.